I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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