Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
