I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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