just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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