Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
