i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
