I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
