I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
