Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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