fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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