then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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