my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
