meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found your dick twin last night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
