new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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