your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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