you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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