wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize