A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
