We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
