from now on my penis is your penis
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
