Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
