They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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