dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
