So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
