forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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