We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
