i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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