How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
handjob tips. give me some.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Randomize
