You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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