Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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