Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im part way to drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
