four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
