chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
