is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
