Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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