my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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