In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
