I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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