I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
