Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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