you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
