Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
