I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
