my mouth tastes like poor choices
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
