doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
