ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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