Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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