Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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