I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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