i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
