U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
