What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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