2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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