the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
