508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
