I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
