you guys were way drunker than both of me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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