We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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