break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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