I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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