I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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