i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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