It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
