sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
