Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
