im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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