Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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