Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
