Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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